Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
