wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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