Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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