dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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