How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
