Screwed.edu
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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