She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
