You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Everclear isn't food dammit
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
