He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
