best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Randomize
