There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My vagina just clenched in fear
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
