i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The air was thick with penises
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
