just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
