Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
