Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
