He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
May the power of my ass compel you!!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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