I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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