Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
