garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
