They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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