someone threw a dead crab at me
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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