You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
