fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
