she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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