"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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