dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
