Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
