Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
