It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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