this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
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Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
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I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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