Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
