you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
