Sober January is a disaster.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
