porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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