big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
