Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
