Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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