Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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