i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
