I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
