So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
