Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
