she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
