Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
