Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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