I heard we made out
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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