Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
