Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
