I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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