I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
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he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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