Can Purell be used as lube?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
