I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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