dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
