so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
