Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
