final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He told me they were just razor bumps!
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
