Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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