So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
