at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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