Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
