I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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