Three words: puerto rican gang bang
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I still have a little drunk in my system
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
