Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
