We're facebook friends in real life
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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