soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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