So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
