drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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