So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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