Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
